How’s Rick Remembered Today?

Rick,

How do I put my jumbled thoughts into coherent words? How do I make meaning of this whole cancer journey? You beat the odds and still somehow passed away. You were cancer free, you did it, and yet sepsis took you away. Life is so unfair. If there is anyone who deserves more time in this lifetime, that person is you. You have truly been a blessing to so many around you, and I have only recently begun to grasp the magnitude through the gallery celebration, the memorial service, and the countless people I interacted with who have shed their tears for you.

Today’s Celebration of Life for Rick was genuinely the most beautiful and meaningful celebration of life service I have ever attended. Thank you to Linda, Aly, Lyanne, Pastor Ken (the architect of the Hero’s Journey during today’s service), and all those who were part of the service. Thank you for helping us all remember and honor Rick.

I honestly didn't realize how much sadness I was carrying about Rick's passing until I sat there crying today.

Thought a long time to recall one specific memory of many that I was grateful to God for creating Rick. To this day the reason I’m a devoted Mac user despite multiple push back from the chosen masses. Not only because of his gift of one early on.

Also grateful for his example to Bruce of being a “girl dad”. Such a precious gift to us early on in Bruce’s journey.

I met Rick in high school. I was one of his groupies on the gymnastic team. What I remember most was his spotting skills. If I was trying a new move he would see me struggling and stop, walk over to me to assist. He was always right there to help. Trust was the byword in every aspect of his life as the years went by and years went on as I worked on our high school reunions.

I met Rick when I joined the boys gymnastics team at Alhambra H.S. (I was kicked off the girls team because I had to miss afterschool practice 2 d/wk for cheerleading practice and musical show rehearsals, but the boys coach was ok with on 4 d/wk gymnastics practice). Steve O. used to drive me to 3 hours of practice every Saturday at East LA College. Rick, Steve and I worked hard and laughed together.

Dear Rick,

We didn’t talk too much but when we did it was filled with a sharp witty response with a perfectly timed pause that made you think twice. I remember you being an advisor to Vktori in the early days and you always took the time to give a kind supporting word. You also took the time to introduce me to Yuri when I had an idea. You didn’t have to stick your neck out for me like that but that’s the kind of person you were.

When I first finished college, I was unsure of myself when it came to deciding on my career path. Purely by chance, I was lucky enough to be asked to play a part in a promotional video for MediaPortfolio (via Erin). From the first day I met Rick, I knew I was in the presence of one of the most professional, generous, and genuine human beings I had ever met.

Being married into such a big, tight-knit family can be daunting. Rick was always someone who has made me feel at home. From knowing glances and under-the-breath sarcastic comments during crazy large family gatherings 😊, to the one-one-one check-ins and very intentional conversations, Rick was someone I constantly counted on to be a rock, a mentor and my family. Rick invested in Austin’s business, in our marriage, in our home and in our parenthood journey.

Last summer when I was really going through a tough career transition, lack of confidence, and overall feeling really discouraged, I got to meet up with Rick and catch up on our lives. That was such a core memory for me because it felt like a turning point from all the negativity I was feeling. He really reminded me of my potential and capacity for caring and making things happen, and it was especially meaningful coming from him because I believed it more coming from him.

Rick was my friend... a friend unique in my life. His friendship bookended our adult lives, and over time remained unchanged in its warmth and commitment, depth and authenticity. It existed and thrived outside of what we DID in terms of accomplishments and work, but it was deep, at the level of who we WERE at our cores. Sharing what we cared about and what we believed. It provided a space of safety and acceptance and encouragement.

Rick,

Thank you for raising the bar for what an exceptional human being looks like. Not many people get to see you in action, but I’m one of the fortunate ones.

Everyone knows you have a gift with words and a powerful presence, but it really hit me when we were in that room full of lawyers for the NAPABA convention (National Asian Pacific American Bar Association) . The way you effortlessly led conversations and drew out the best in everyone there genuinely impressed me.

Rick,

So this email has sat in my drafts for a few weeks now and I'm not really sure why it's been so hard to hit send. Maybe it's because so many of my daily tasks make me think of you and I start to think of more things I want to say. Maybe it's because once I hit send it feels final and I just don't want it to be final.

Rick,

It's surreal to think that you are gone, and I am not sure that reality has fully set in for me yet. I think it will be awhile before the permanence of the loss of your presence on this side of heaven will really sink in.

One of my favorite memories is when you and Linda took the time to listen to me practice a presentation for a job interview.

Dear Rick,

It is with much sadness that I just now found out about your passing when I checked in on your blog, and that this will be my very last email to you... I am so sorry that I didn’t check in more frequently, and wasn’t there to wish you well at the end. But I hope you are reading this now. I am heartbroken for your loved ones who you left behind.

Spent the day at Brian’s house today for Easter and was looking through some old pictures. Wanted to share one of my all-time favorites with you from 1979 at our old Monterey Park house on Abajo Drive.

Missing Ricky and his lovely smile, gentle touch and warmth that radiates to all those around him.

I am not going to bid you a goodbye.

It’s too painful.

I think the best we can do is to honor you.

Despite all the challenges during your journey you fought with bravery and you quietly and graciously tackled every step even at times in despair. You remarkably jumped every hurdle.

I was amazed by your dedication and determination.

Looking back I just want to say thank you for every moment shared.

Dearest Rick and his loved ones,

It seems unreal that I am writing this letter to you – Rick’s greatest treasures – and that Rick is not on the other end of this email to open it and read it. Condolences will not dull the pain you feel but know that his loss is felt by a great many and I count myself lucky to be one of the people that are grieving him.

I know I haven’t known you for very long, and I haven’t even had very many conversations with you. But every time we talked, your kindness and joy always made my day. I always felt a sense of assuredness and security around you. You are gentle yet strong, and your presence was such a pillar in our community. Literally, you were the coolest person I’ve ever known. I wish we had more time so I could talk to you more and soak in more of your calm certainty and coolness.

Hello Abes,

I am so grateful for having spent a good portion of my childhood playing with Rick. In addition to always being kind and sweet, he was an inventive and a natural performer, mugging for the camera, supplying a witty comment, endlessly creative in an organic way. He was a born leader in a very subtle and inclusive way. Reflecting back, I think he was the mastermind behind so many of our excursions into pretend, but in a way that invited the rest of us to fully contribute to the whole.

Dear Rick,

I think about the first time we met quite a lot. There are a few reasons why.

The most obvious can be shared without context: I was meeting the father of the woman I loved for the very first time. That alone can be scary enough. I was on my flight to the east coast, nervous, then excited, then nervous again, hoping that when I met you I'd say only the right things and leave you nodding with certainty that I was right for your daughter.

I met Rick Abe long ago, long before Linda and of course before his daughters. In fact they were married at a wonderful ceremony at the then Lake Avenue Congregational church in Pasadena, a project on which we had worked together as architects and had just been completed, as if on time for this wedding.

We met at the architectural firm and our relationship, initially based on mutual respect and admiration professionally, transitioned to one of friendship.

Rick,

Hope everything is fine with you as you leave us for this personal journey that we won't be able to share with you. You and I hadn't had journeys together although we did get to share family experiences together and that is where I could see how you affected Linda's life and my life during those special times. I'll miss you, just remember that you did make an impression on me.

Hi Rick,

I sure wish that my last email had more meaningful and profound thoughts in it, but it is a relief that it will be smooth sailing for you from here on out. No more speed bumps to battle. You will forever have a very special place in our hearts. You did so much for our family in bridging the generation gaps, and making sure to bring everyone closer with recording our ancestors and family history, your kind heart, your quick and timely wit, but most of all, your ever loving presence.

Dear Rick,

My heart broke when I read that you have passed.. Janice and I have been praying for you since we heard you were battling cancer. I know you fought it with all of your might .. I am so happy we met this past January for lunch .. and was so hopeful that the surgery would be successful..

I have fond memories spending time with you back in the 80’s ..our carefree days, eating cheap chicken plates at Moc Moc in Gardena, practicing music to lead worship for our Evergreen small group ..

“I just sent it over for you to review. Let me know if want to make any changes. I have another 20 minutes.”

He sounded slightly more hurried than he usually does.

If you know Rick Abe there is nothing hurried about him- when you around him, you feel his calming influence…you feel his thoughtfulness and his deep caring for you. You never felt he was distracted- no incoming phone calls or involuntary checking or scrolling on his phone…he is right there…on a call, in a zoom meeting, or in person…very intentional about interacting with you.

Howdy Uncle Rick,

I'll miss saying that to you in person. It's hard to write this, as most of these thoughts and feelings weren't ever things I thought I'd need to share, even though I probably should have. A lot earlier and far more often at that. This will be my opportunity to get these thoughts out into the universe, with sentiments that I so desperately hope you already know about, regardless of whether I conveyed them properly or not with words and actions that were likely less obvious than what I'm stating so directly here.